foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
