Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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