she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
