I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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