8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
