I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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