well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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