i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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