i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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