I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
