Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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