She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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