I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
