: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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