gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
