My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
