I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
