But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
