I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
