the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
