I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
