anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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