margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
