I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
