Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
