Sober January is a disaster.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
