He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
