He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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