I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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