If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
