So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
