I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
