why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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