A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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