Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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