I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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