seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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