my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
