I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
