Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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