My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
