He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
