Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
