Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
