I wish my penis had an off switch
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
