just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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