she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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