i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
