he wants to bone in the snuggie
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
