M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
