I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
