I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well you can't waste a boner
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
