Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
