Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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