i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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