i think my tv is drunk
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
