2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
two words...techno handjob
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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