I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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