when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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