She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
