you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
