I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
