but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
