So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
