i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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