Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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