I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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