mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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