I will die if light touches me.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
