shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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