I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
