Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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