He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He has the fingertips of a God
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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