If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
