I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
