the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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