Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize