im about as happy as oj after his trial
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
