We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
