i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
